The pain of separation, the struggle for perfection

An imperfect soul – striving for unification

No matter how close a true lover is to his beloved, he is never close enough. Whilst this pain continues, the lover continues to prepare himself for his beloved. Trying all that is possible to perfect himself... In order to be accepted by his beloved. In fact, the only definition of perfection for the lover is the beloved. Hence, the struggle for perfection is nothing but a striving for unification from an imperfect soul . The lover will be satisfied with any tribulation - as long as it is not accompanied with distance from his beloved... As Ibn Al-Farid once said in one of his collection of poems (Diwan):

"Punish with whatever thou like, other than distance from you"

True love shall be tested – by its endurance of pain

The sweetness of love, when true – makes the worst pain – bearable

For those whose love is only lip-service, they will be exposed before the sunset of love as the intense sun's heat becomes unbearable. They will complain of being hurt, confused, uncertain - and eventually their hypocrisy will be laid bare when they decide that the pain is too much to bear. However, true lovers will never complain about their pain, as they are oblivious to it. They are so focussed on the sweetness of yearning and striving towards their beloved, that pain will either be bearable or normalised. Those already extinct in love will no longer feel the pain as they are overwhelmed by the sweetness of gazing at their beloved or harbouring the emotions they harbour for their beloved. These people no longer perceive themselves and as such everything that emanates from the beloved is beautiful and sweet. On the Day of Judgement, we are told that faces will be brightened, glowing and gleaming - because of the reflection of looking at their Lord.  Those faces are bright and glowing in this world as they are unable to divert their gaze away from their Lord and His remembrance.

"Men that neither trade nor commerce can divert from the remembrance of Allah..."

True love and pain - two sides of a coin:

Usually the sweet and pleasurable part of love is the most visible and most celebrated. As a result, people dive into love with unreal expectations and a lack of understanding of its reality. The word 'love' (Al-Hubb) in arabic comes from the root word 'seed' (Al-Habbatu) and in the same way not many people see the pain involved in turning a seed into a beautiful plant / produce (the pain of planting, weeding and harvesting). Love is the same as not many people see the pain accompanied with love - especially if you think love is what is purported by Hollywood / Bollywood movies 🙂

Hence the announcement: O strangers to love - prepare for a painful toil.

This is because the only way to attain the reality of love is to mentally prepare for a long (sweet and) painful journey. Some of the 'pain' experienced by those in love will be expounded upon below:

True love at its inception is always accompanied with pain

When true love enters the heart, despite the immense pleasure that comes with it, there is the ‘pain’ of carrying it without being able to share it with everyone – especially the object of your love.  The burden of love is often compounded by certain situations – for example when the one you love isn’t aware of your love or when the one you love loves someone else. Imam Shafi once said in a poem –

A type of tribulation is that you love…

And the one you love, loves other than you…

No matter how this love is ‘shared’ an intense lover will never be content with the amount he is able to share. This is like trying to share something that cannot be quantified. No matter how many sweet words and actions that the lover says or does to his/her  beloved, it will never measure up to the love contained in his/her heart.

However with Allah, the pain and the burden of this love starts when you consider what triggered your love for Allah and you find it selfish (whether it is His generosity or your pleasure in His contemplation). Also, you find that your love is so little compared to His love for you!. In fact, you only love Him because He Loves you. At its inception, there is a concept of realization of who you are in relation to your Lord. This realization is a very painful one because it exposes your insincerity and your ungrateful nature. It often causes the beloved to go through moments of sadness when he looks at how he has reacted to the innumerable blessings that His lord has continually bestowed upon him. This pain is so intense and far beyond perception that it is felt by every vein – hence the statement:

Far beyond perception, felt by every vein

Every aspect of the lover's essence hurts beyond words - the pain of experiencing something that is impossible to share - that no one can understand or empathise with... Lonely nights that end in tears and smiles become a norm. All objects start to point towards the beloved. All starts to remind one of the beloved. Food and drink becomes a distraction - hence undesirable. Words cannot convey these emotions. But mere description of it's states can provides a small glance of the pain felt by the one afflicted by love - especially for the 1st time..